Nafla Ateres Roshaynu, Shavas mesos libaynu. Marty you were the Rosh of our Chaburah, the head of the gang. You were the joy of our hearts and you were our inspiration!
It is the last day of Chanukah and giving a proper eulogy is forbidden by the Sages unless the niftar, the person who passed, was a Gadol, a great Jewish leader. Marty you were that, and so much more. You were our leader, our friend, our teacher, our Gadol. So, in the few minutes I have, I would like to share the impact you had on our lives and a few of the powerful lessons you taught us by example.
In Judaism, the right side is considered the most chashuv, the most important side. That is why we always begin with the right when dressing or engaging in certain other activities. The Malbim asks that if it’s true that the right side is the most important, why did Hashem put a person’s heart on the left side of the body. The heart is what drives everything. It is what keeps the body going. It’s so important! So why did He create us with our heart on the left side of our bodies?
The Malbim explains that Hashem put it on the left because when you face someone, your heart is on their right. In other words the Malbim is saying that one’s heart is not for one’s self. It’s not meant to be for me. It is for yenim. It is for the other person. So, when I face another person, it is on their right. Exactly where it should be. Marty, you had such a big heart. It was never about you. It was always about your family and friends. No matter what was going on, you never thought of yourself first.
You were like the holy ark of the Mishkan, the Tabernacle of the desert and the Beis Hamikdash. The Ark was comprised of 3 layers. The inner and outer layers were gold and hidden in between was wood. Our Sages explain one of the reasons Hashem commanded that the Ark be covered in gold on both the inside and outside was to teach us that we must be tocho k’baro. Our insides and outsides must match. We cannot be one way publicly and another way privately. Or one way with some people and another way with other people. Marty, you were tocho k’baro. What you saw is what you got. You were like the holy ark. You never met a person you didn’t like. You were everyone’s best friend. But what about the middle layer of the Ark? Why did that have to be made out of wood? I would like to suggest it is to teach us that we must emulate the source of wood, the tree, and be constantly growing, reaching for the heavens.
Marty, you worked so hard to reach for the heavens. We met back when we were about 14 or 15 years old. Through the greatest organization in the world, NCSY. Southern Region, Ohr HaNegev. Not only, did we hit it off right away, but you introduced me to the entire Memphis Har Tzion Chapter. You became the brother I never had, and the rest of the gang became like brothers and sisters. We all became so close. I couldn’t put into words to explain it to my parents when they kept asking why I always needed to go spend Shabbos with you in Memphis, It been almost 45 years since those days and I still can’t explain it. Our gang is literally living all over the world, but the time and distance has not tempered the closeness we all still feel for one another, especially for you.
Whenever 2 people from our special gang bump into one another, or call to catch up, the 2 nd question is always, how is Marty and aunt Fay? Have you spoken to them lately. Yes, the bond was so close that your mom was like a 2 nd mother to us NCSYers who could be found coming in and out of town or dropping in for dinner unannounced. She treated us like her own children and we loved her like a mom (even when she had to reprimand us for some minor violation.)
Marty, you fought for all that was good and emes. Dawn reminded me about the time when you really wanted to build a Sukkah and your mom was being practical and said you could eat in Uncle Gene’s (or maybe it was Uncle Bill’s) Sukkah. So what did you do? You took a refrigerator box and built a kosher sukkah out of it. Needless to say, your mom made sure that ya’ll built your own sukka every year after that refrigerator sukkah.
When the Ropshitzer Rebbe was a 6 year old child, he was learning Torah with his father. His father taught him that when he sees a short line, it is the letter yud and when you see 2 yuds next to each other it is the name of Hashem. So as he was reading, he came upon the vowel called Shva, which is also written with two very short lines, but instead of being side by side, it is one on top of the other. The Ropshitzer nevertheless read it as Hashems name. So his father corrected him and explained when do two yuds, two Jews, invoke Hashems name? Only when they are side by side and treat each other with love and respect. But if one yud makes himself over another yud, then that is not Hashem’s name but rather it is silent and makes no sound at all.
In a similar vein, the Hebrew word for life is Chayim which is in the plural form. One of the reasons that this is so, is to teach us that to truly live, one must live a life that is broader and greater than themselves. Marty, that was the way you lived your life. Always living for others. In all my years, knowing you, I never heard you say a negative word about another Jew. You were always the peace maker, the one to help another through a crises or difficult situation. You always gave of yourself. You were a mevater. You put everyone else’s needs above your own.
In the almost 45 years of our friendship, I only remember one thing we disagreed on. After your brain injury from the heart attack, every conversation we had for years always began with the same question. Did I switch my political beliefs to agree with you. And despite my repeated answer of no, you always said, but we are still best friends, right? Yes, Marty, we are still best friends and will always be best friends.
Marty, your mom told us that when you were born, you had a serious issue with your heart and the doctors told her that you would not live past your 18 th birthday. And it was very close to your 18 th birthday, having just arrived a few weeks earlier in Jerusalem to fulfill your dream of studying Torah in yeshiva, when Hashem tried to take your precious soul back from us. You had collapsed on the steps in front of the Yeshiva. Zave Rudman started CPR and you were rushed to the hospital. Based on what the doctors were sayings, we knew it was going to take a miracle for you to survive. And the hundreds of people who knew and loved you and thousands who only knew of your story, were ready to do battle to convince Hashem that we were not going to
let Him take you back without a fight and that He needed to perform that miracle. We put together an army. An army of friends and volunteers to stay by your bedside 24/7 davening and saying tehillim. Pleading with Hashem to allow you to live. One of my shifts was Yom Kippur. I don’t know if I will ever experience the depth of prayer and connection that I experienced that Yom Kippur davening by your bedside. But in the end, your personal army won. Hashem saw you were still needed here on earth and, I believe from the deepest depths of my soul, that it was the weeks and months and yes years of tehillim and Torah learning done in your merit that granted our beloved Chaim Menashe ben Feiga, our dear friend Marty an additional 40 years.
But if we are going to be honest, I must confess that as we watched you struggle physically, emotionally and mentally, in your effort to return to the Marty before the heart attack, we questioned and, yes, challenged Hashem with the question of why? How could he do this to you. You had worked on yourself so hard during your elementary and high school years to grow in Yiddishkeit. Torah and mitzvos became your goals, all you wanted was to serve Hashem and strengthen your soul. You even were National NCSYer of the Year in 1981. Your teachers, advisors, friends, and most of all, our dear Rebbi, Rav Yitz Rosenberg, all knew you were destined for greatness. We knew you were going to become a Klal Mensch, a leader of the Jewish People. You were going to transform the Jewish future. But that dream, that vision, collapsed with you that evening of the aseres yemay teshuva of 1981.
So, what was the purpose of those additional 40 years? Perhaps it was so you could teach us what it means to be grateful for every breath and step. Perhaps it was so you could teach us to love Hashem, bechol meodecha, no matter what He sends our way. Perhaps it was so you could teach us the meaning of true unfiltered love and friendship. Perhaps it was simply to teach us to love life and all those with whom we come in contact. Perhaps it was to inspire Sue Feurstein to become an Occupational Therapist. Perhaps it was so you could teach us all that, and other things that, we who loved you, haven’t figured out yet. But one thing I do know. We are all better friends, spouses, parents and Jews because of our interactions with you not just before that fateful day, but specifically during these 40 years since.
Marty, your mom told Devorah and me yesterday that you had lived a life a miracles, and you had simply ran out of miracles. Marty, you were OUR miracle. Hashem gave all of us such a bracha to be able to have been able to live in your daled amos, to have been influenced to become better Jews and Human beings as a result of having had you as part of our lives. Marty, there is so much more to say, and I am sure your friends and I will have that chance during Shiva and beyond. But on behalf of myself all of your chevra, that so desperately wanted to be here in person, I want to ask for mechila for not having done more for you. For not having called or visited more often. Please know how much we love and miss you, and as you are reunited with your beloved father and make your way to the Kisay Hakavod, please be a maylitz yosher for your dear mother, brother Jeff, your sister Amy and for the rest of us.
Tehay nafsho tzrura btzror hachayim. Umacha Hashem elokim dimah mayal kol panim.
